I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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