I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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