he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
