Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
