oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
