We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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