the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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