I smell stomach acid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
a search helicopter?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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