I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
