so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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