I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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