Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize