I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
