I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
