well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
