and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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