two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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