i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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