So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
