the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize