his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
