This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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