i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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