You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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