Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
