if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
