His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
