Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
