I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
