jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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