i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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