omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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