How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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