Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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