you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
