I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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