He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
