i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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