Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
