My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ok first of all what the fuck
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
