You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
