you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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