you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
