he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
