I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
