You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
