Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
