The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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