I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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