none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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