In the future we'll all be gay
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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