That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
