My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
