Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
